Korean Funeral Etiquette — How to Offer Condolences (조의금 & 조문 예절 in Korea)
🖤 From Condolence Money to Silent Bows: A Foreigner’s Guide to Korean Funeral Manners
안녕하세요. I'm Hangeulia.
Attending a Korean funeral can feel unfamiliar, especially if you’ve never experienced one before. But don’t worry — this guide will walk you through how to pay your respects with sincerity, from preparing the condolence envelope to offering incense and bowing with grace.
In this guide, you’ll learn:
- What to prepare before visiting a Korean funeral (조의금, attire, messages)
- How to behave at the funeral hall step by step
- How to offer incense or flowers properly
- What to say to the bereaved family
- Etiquette mistakes foreigners often make
- Public memorial etiquette (합동분향소)
🖤 Before You Go: What to Prepare
1. Condolence Money (조의금 jo-ui-geum)
In Korea, guests bring cash in a white condolence envelope, called jo-ui-geum (조의금). It’s a gesture of sympathy and support for the bereaved family.
- 💵 Common amounts: ₩30,000 – ₩100,000 for acquaintances, colleagues, or coworkers (₩50,000 has become the general standard), ₩100,000–₩300,000 for close friends or relatives, ₩500,000 or more for siblings or immediate family members.
- 💌 Write your name on the back left side of the envelope, vertically.
- Amounts are often given in odd numbers (3, 5, 7) for smaller sums (under ₩100,000), which are considered proper for funerals. For ₩100,000 or more, people usually give in ₩100,000 units — ₩100,000, ₩200,000, ₩300,000, and so on.
On the front of the envelope, Koreans usually write one of the following in Chinese characters:
- 🖋 부의 (賻儀) — “offering to the bereaved family” (most common)
- 🖋 근조 (謹弔) — “with deep condolences”
- 🖋 추모 (追慕) — “in remembrance of the deceased”
- 🖋 위령 (慰靈) — “in comfort of the departed soul”
❤ Tip: Don’t worry if you can’t write Chinese characters — it’s totally fine. Most funeral halls in Korea provide condolence envelopes at the entrance. Simply withdraw some cash beforehand, place it neatly in the envelope before entering the room, and write your name on the back — that’s all you need to do.
If you can’t attend the funeral in person, it’s also common to send condolence money by bank transfer to the account number written on the mobile funeral notice (모바일 부고장). You don't need to reply formally to the mobile funeral notice, but if you can’t attend the funeral, it’s considerate to send a short condolence message and transfer your condolence money to the account provided.
In this case, it’s customary to include a short message such as:
💬 부득이한 사정으로 조문을 드리지 못해 죄송합니다. 삼가 고인의 명복을 빕니다.
(bu-deug-i-han sa-jeong-eu-ro jo-mun-eul deu-ri-ji mot-hae joe-song-ham-ni-da. sam-ga go-in-eui myeong-bok-eul bim-ni-da.)
– “I’m sorry I can’t attend the funeral due to unavoidable circumstances.
My deepest condolences for your loss.”
Whether you visit in person or send your condolences remotely, what truly matters is your sincerity. Condolence money is not just a financial gesture — it’s an expression of empathy, respect, and support for the grieving family.
2. What to Wear
Korean funerals are solemn occasions, so guests wear dark, simple, and formal clothes. Avoid bright colors or flashy accessories.
- Men: black or dark gray suit, white shirt, dark tie, black shoes.
- Women: black or dark outfit, simple blouse and skirt or dress, minimal makeup and jewelry.
- Students: wear dark school uniform or muted colors.
Avoid perfume, colorful makeup, and noisy accessories. Both men and women should wear socks (no bare feet) and avoid hats or caps indoors.
🖤 At the Funeral Hall (빈소 bin-so): Step-by-step Guide
Step-by-step Guide to Paying Respects
- Arrive and write your name in the guest book (부의록 bu-ui-rok), then place your condolence envelope in the box (부의함 bu-ui-ham).
- Before approaching the altar, remove your coat, hat, and bag and place them neatly to the side. In Korea, doing so is a sign of respect and humility before paying your respects.
-
If you’re visiting with others, usually one representative performs the offering,
while the rest stand quietly behind with hands folded in front.
- For flowers (헌화 heon-hwa): The representative stands before the altar, holding the flower in the right hand with the blossom tip facing toward the portrait of the deceased, and places it carefully on the altar. After the offering, everyone kneels together and bows twice to the deceased.
- For incense (분향 bun-hyang): The representative kneels, picks up the incense with the right hand supported by the left, lights it from a candle, and gently waves it until it goes out naturally — never blow it out with your mouth. After placing it upright in the holder, everyone kneels together and bows twice to the deceased.
- When kneeling and bowing, men fold the right hand over the left, women fold the left hand over the right.
- Kneel and bow twice to the deceased, then once to the bereaved family.
- Before leaving, bow your head once more to the bereaved family. You don’t need to start a conversation — quiet sincerity is the most respectful gesture. Step back slowly without turning your back to the altar.
- In some cases, especially for religious reasons (Christian or Catholic funerals), Kneeling and bowing may be replaced by a brief silent prayer (묵념 muk-nyeom). In that case, simply bow your head slightly, stay still for a few seconds, and then bow your head once more to the bereaved family.
🚫 What NOT to Do: Etiquette to Avoid
- ❌ Don’t ask detailed questions about the cause of death.
- ❌ Don’t talk too much or try to comfort the bereaved with small talk.
- ❌ Don’t hand the condolence money directly to the family — always use the donation box (부의함).
- ❌ Don’t laugh, speak loudly, or take photos inside the funeral room.
- ❌ Don’t toast or drink alcohol during the post-funeral meal.
🖤 After Paying Respects: What to Say and Do
After the ceremony, guests are usually invited to a simple meal (식사 shik-sa) offered by the bereaved family. It’s polite to eat quietly. While you’re having your meal, the bereaved family may come around to greet guests. It’s best to listen quietly and offer a few kind words, rather than asking questions or starting long conversations. If you wish to express your sympathy, you can say something like this:
💬 마음이 많이 힘드시겠어요. 힘내세요.
(ma-eum-i ma-ni him-deu-shi-ge-sseo-yo. him-nae-se-yo. – “It must be very hard for you. Please stay strong.”)
Before you leave, bow your head once more to the bereaved family, then exit quietly with calm respect. Most guests stay only briefly — around 20 to 30 minutes is typical.
❤ Additional Notes: Public Memorials (합동분향소 hab-dong bun-hyang-so)
Sometimes, when a public figure passes away or a tragic event occurs, a public memorial altar (합동분향소 hab-dong bun-hyang-so) is set up in a public place such as a city hall, square, or park. Anyone can visit to offer flowers (헌화 heon-hwa) or incense (분향 bun-hyang) and pay silent respects.
Unlike at a private funeral hall, you don’t kneel and bow deeply here — simply stand in front of the altar, bow your head quietly for a moment, and leave after offering your flower or incense. There’s no need to bring condolence money; the visit itself is a gesture of sympathy.
🖤 Quick Guide: Korean Funeral Vocabulary
- 조의금 (jo-ui-geum) — condolence money
- 부의록 (bu-ui-rok) — guest book
- 부의함 (bu-ui-ham) — donation box for condolence envelopes
- 상주 (sang-ju) — chief mourner / bereaved family
- 분향 (bun-hyang) — incense offering
- 헌화 (heon-hwa) — flower offering
- 명복 (myeong-bok) — blessing or peace for the deceased
- 빈소 (bin-so) — funeral hall / mourning room
- 합동분향소 (hab-dong bun-hyang-so) — public memorial altar
🖤 Quick Summary
• Bring 조의금 (condolence money) in a white envelope.
• Wear dark, simple, formal clothes.
• Write your name in the guest book and place the envelope in 부의함.
• Offer incense or flowers quietly, then bow twice to the deceased.
• Keep conversations minimal and exit with calm respect.
🖤 Final Thought
Funerals in Korea are quiet, respectful moments that reflect sincerity and community. Your calm presence, gentle bow, and quiet words of comfort mean more than you may realize. Remember — it’s not about perfect manners, but about showing genuine respect and heart.
With respect,
한글리아
💝Hangeulia’s Life Etiquette Series💝
- Korean Wedding Etiquette — 축의금 & Guest Manners
- Korean Funeral Etiquette — 조의금 & 조문 예절 (You’re here)
- Sunbae & Hoobae Etiquette — Korean Seniority Culture
